I have been going to the FAC since 2003. It is by far my favorite gym/club in Boulder. I love the owners, Keith and Jens. And I really like most of the people that belong there.

I have had a few things stolen, including my swim parka, and my swim paddles that were inscribed with the loving message: “stay the fuck off”. (I do think that the reason my paddles were stolen were to spite me). In any case, occasionally my shit gets stolen there. I usually attribute it to myself. After all, I did leave my parka and swim bag there over night…I knew it was my fault.
However, today was a totally different story….

While I didn’t have my 100 dollar parka or my 30 dollar paddles stolen (that now say: “FUCK OFF, PADDLE STEALER” ), I did have my organic, gluten free, $2, chocolate bumble bar (only from whole foods) stolen out of my locker. And of course, while I was discovering that my bar was missing, some lady was standing next to me politely chatting about her workout. (She was naked by the way.) I was absolutely starving, and I was not really able to focus (in my head all I heard was womp, womp, womp…like Charlie Brown’s teacher). While she was standing there with her naked bits staring at me, all I could think about was my fucking bumble bar that someone STOLE out my very own locker! I was ANGRY!!!! I was fucking livid! (I mean…really? Who the fuck steals energy bars out of a locker???)

I was so angry in fact, that I told everyone in the locker room about it…anyone that would listen to me…..I even checked all of trash cans for the wrapper. I was going to try to find the thief. After all, I was only swimming for an hour. How far could they have gone? It is amazing to me that someone would steal a fucking energy bar out of my locker when there are plenty of bars available at the front desk. grrr. I felt violated. After all, Boulder is a fairly affluent city. And FAC isn’t cheap either. I only hope that the person who stole my fucking bar loved it as much as I would have and I only hope that they choked on the last bit. GRRRR! Fuck off Bumble Bar stealer!

Ah…I must have needed to release all of those F-bombs…I feel much better now:).