I would say that 9 times out of 10, while riding alone, I acquire an “uninvited guest” AKA: “the dingle berry” or “cling on”. And I would say that 6 times out of 10, while riding with ML, I have a dingle berry that enjoys taking a few sucks off my wheel.
An uninvited guest is a leech.
An uninvited guest is sometimes dangerous.
An uninvited guest is an intruder…they are the unwanted tag-along.
An uninvited guest is someone who decides that it is a good idea to come along my ride with me, at my pace, unannounced. They usually just take a suck on my wheel after I pass them.
Though it is sometimes hard to hear them, I can usually feel their presence.
The uninvited guest is usually a male, 99.9% of the time. I’m not sure why this is a fact, but it is true. I’ve NEVER had an altercation with a woman on the road… I guess it’s tough for a man to be passed by a woman.
While the uninvited guest is a bit annoying, I have come to terms with this pest. In my youth, I used to get fairly upset. After all, I was taken down by an uninvited guest one day while time trialing on ML’s wheel.
Now that I am older and wiser, I have learned that getting upset does not work with these douche bags. I have my own unique ways of handling these dingle berries…
Today’s ride was no different than any other ride. Our plan was to ride down 36, turn left on to Left Hand Canyon, and time trial to Jamestown. It was a warmish day. It will be the warmest day this week. We are expecting snow tomorrow and Thursday. In any case, I like to do the Jamestown ride once a week with ML as long as the timing is right. Today the timing seemed perfect. It was time to test my new ride with my new TT position. My new bike has a completely different feel to it. I’m more forward and I have a different set of wheels. The handling is a bit different as well. I had ridden it a few times just to get used to the feel, but I hadn’t ridden fast on it yet. Today was the day…I was out for a fast and furious ride on my new bike with my BFF, ML. It was supposed to be a really exciting, fun time for us…until we had an uninvited guest join in on our fun time.
As ML and I were ascending, we saw an eager beaver, potential dingle berry hanging out in the parking lot across from Old Stage. I didn’t think much of it as I am used to having a “cling on”. At this point, I was in the lead and our plan was to trade taking short pulls for about 20 minutes. As soon as we passed the parking lot, we had our cling on. He was on tight and he wasn’t about to let us pull away. He did not announce himself, he just latched on like a blood thirsty tick! I could feel ML simmering…but I tried to use our new “cling on”. I wanted to drop him, hurt him, race him. He was my new motivation to break some records today!
We had 20 minutes to go. And while the cling on didn’t get in the way of our rotation, he did annoy ML…a lot. In fact I saw a side of ML today that rarely comes out.
18 minutes into our time trial, ML had enough with our uninvited guest: I believe his comment was: “Dude, you are worthless”
Mr. Cling-On comments: “man, I couldn’t take any pulls. I didn’t expect to ride up to Jamestown going 20mph today”
ML: “well, why did you decide to ride 20mph if that wasn’t your plan in the first place?”
…then there was some man-words, mumbo jumbo, that I couldn’t hear. At that point, I told Michael that it wasn’t worth it…don’t worry about it…leave it alone…who cares…
Mr. Cling on then sprinted ahead, only to be caught by me within 30 seconds.
I tried to explain to Mr. Cling-On that we were doing a time trial effort. I was trying to explain to him that my husband was being protective of me as I had been taken down by an uninvited guest before. (After all it was clear to ML that our “friend” was riding way outside of himself). He screamed at me…said ML and I had bad attitudes…
I was trying to be the nice Lovato today…after all, I was thankful! I used that Cling-On-Bitch to nearly puke a lung today and had one of my best ride ever…thank you Mr. Uninvited Guest!